“Are You Worried About Getting Married?”

I am so thankful to have had another opportunity to guest write for Biblical Women. In case you missed it there, here is an excerpt from my post about the worry I experience in my singleness and a link to read the full post. Love y’all!

“Are you worried about getting married?”

My heart sank. Shocked and humiliated, I looked around to see if anyone had heard her.

I felt like I had been caught. How did she know? Was it that obvious? 

No matter how much I knew it shouldn’t be true or wished it wasn’t. Yes, I was worried about getting married. am worried about getting married. Every day of my life.

But luckily, before I could utter a word, she quickly followed with a second question. “Do you want to get married?”

Well that was an easier, less shameful answer. “Yes, I do.”

It hadn’t been an easy morning. My emotions had gotten the best of me at church and I couldn’t tell you why if I tried. Welcome to womanhood. I guess sometimes emotions collide, circumstances come to a head, and you stand before the Lord, a wreck, and there’s nothing you or the hundreds of people around you can do, except admit that the timing is less than ideal. (Yeah, I usually prefer to have breakdowns in private, thanks.) I guess sometimes you don’t have a choice, and a beautiful moment of vulnerability in the midst of your people, people that know and love and walk with you, just happens.

I’m normally a night church goer. (Y’all evening services are where it’s at.) But I had gone that morning in support of the daughter of a dear friend who was being baptized. Amelia is nine, just started the fourth grade, and is now a ferocious follower of Jesus. A week prior I had sat at her kitchen table with her mom and watched her scrounge her entire house for the perfect super hero costume, complete with an eye mask made of wide-ruled notebook paper, and a sparkly belt that was either pink or green, I can’t remember. But I remember she looked fierce. That morning, I watched her stand proud and just as fierce in front of five hundred people in order to tell them she had trusted Jesus to save her. She was a Jesus lover, and I stood, with her family, friends, and most of all the God who created her, an Amelia lover. Mark my words, God will use her boldness and tenacity in ways unimaginable for the Kingdom.

Afterwards, with about forty people in tow, Amelia set out to celebrate her day in true Texas form, over chips and salsa, and sour cream enchiladas. I felt bad at the time, but for some reason, Amelia took to me that afternoon and asserted upon her arrival that she was going to sit next to me. After checking with her mom, making sure Amelia didn’t need to appease her out of town family with her presence at their table, I embraced the beginning of a sweet lunch sitting next to Amelia.

I can’t tell you what happened before or immediately after, but at some point during lunch, Amelia, in the blink of an eye, exposed my greatest weakness. A weakness I’ve carried for a decade, she brought up with no preface and no hesitation.

“Are you worried about getting married? Do you want to get married?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well… God just hasn’t picked your man yet. But don’t worry, you’ll get married.”

And that was it. You’d probably think I left encouraged, elated even, that this precious friend, newly anointed with the Spirit of the living God, had no doubt that marriage is in the cards for me. But I didn’t. I left humiliated, messed up with embarrassment. I felt like all my efforts to have it all together, or at least appear to, had failed. A nine year old saw right through me.

Maybe I did stick out like a sore thumb among couple after couple that day, every single one with kids or kids on the way. Maybe everyone was wondering the same thing, feeling sorry for the single girl. Is it ever going to happen for her? Maybe they all know why it hasn’t and no one is telling me. But, as I’ve processed the whole encounter, moved past the insecurity, the fear and uncertainty that is stuck to this area of my life, Jesus has showed up in a way that’s undeniable. I fully believe God spoke through Amelia that day. Here’s why.

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When Friends Get Engaged Without You

One of my dearest friends got engaged last night. What started as an effort to convey my simple congratulations the night before it happened, turned into a deep and meaningful time of reflection, ending in an overwhelmingly grateful heart and basically… a novel. As a single, there’s a bittersweet feeling that comes with times like these, but the process of writing this was one of healing for me. A process of deciding what is really true over fleeting and selfish emotions. I would love to share it with you in hopes that it is an encouragement, especially to my single friends as they journey. This is what is true.

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Introducing… Beats & Eats!

This portion of the blog is a result of much coercion and peer pressure. Though I’m absolutely elated by the idea, I find it incredibly unbelievable to think that people actually care what I think. But with an appeasing heart and without further adieu I bring you, “Beats and Eats”.

Here’s the premise. On any given weekend, you will no doubt find me trying a new restaurant or snuggling into a table at an oldie but a goodie (Obviously, I eat out way too much. #singleprobs). Likely to follow said dining experience is a venture to hear live music, whether big name and crowded venue or an unknown in a musky bar. I’m always up for finding new music and I spend way too much money on tickets, covers and Spotify. Because of all this, I’ve been deemed the resident foodie (the number of times I’m asked for restaurant suggestions is astronomical) and a well respected, though unprofessional, musical opinion.

So here you go, a corner committed to you and your dining and entertainment adventures, a one stop shop for all my suggestions. I’ll be tagging restaurant posts by things like location, price, taste and overall atmosphere. And my musical mentions will be easily browsed by genre. Hopefully I can be an adequate guide as you eat and listen! Enjoy!

Stay tuned for my first “Beats & Eats” post!

And if you have suggestions, let me know!

The Forty Day Thing

Do you have certain things with certain friends?

I do. Here’s what I mean.

I have a friend I often meet for dinner and our thing is to go to the same restaurant, order the same drinks, a cup of queso and steak fajitas to share. We do it every time and it never gets old, because it’s our thing.

I have another friend and we go to concerts. We go to concerts and then we go to Whataburger. It’s tradition. Concerts end late and, without fail, we’re hungry when it’s all said and done. So a late-night, guilt-free, post-concert Whataburger run is our thing.

I have friends from college and Friends was our thing. Whenever the TV was on, we were spending quality time with Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Joey and Chandler. Not a reunion goes by without playing Friends Trivial Pursuit or at least quoting familiar episodes. Friends, it’s our thing.

I’m sure you have multiple things. Things shared between you and the people most dear to you. There are probably times that you’ve done or tried alternatives and, maybe it’s just me but, it’s weird. The first friend and I once went to the same restaurant and ordered different meals. Now, they were delightful, but something was off. I can’t even imagine how off-kilter the world would be if the latter friends and I watched Seinfeld or some other popular sitcom. Yuck.

I say all this to bring up one final friend. We have a thing and it’s 40-day prayer challenges. For some reason we tend to segment our prayer fervor into 40-day increments. I guess it keeps us committed and consistent, at least for the designated days. There’s also a steady momentum built as our faith increases and we anticipate God moving in ways only He can. Each time, as the final days draw near, not only do we find ourselves in uncharted waters, in places we have never been with the Lord, deeper and richer places, but we also end up craving more. Without fail, we itch to start again. I guess we can’t get enough, and I love that.

At the culmination of these last 40 days, this sweet, dear, precious and absolutely crazy friend of mine suggested that we pray through the night. Bless her. 

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When the problem isn’t the problem.

Many times I feel like my life oozes the theme of waiting, and not by my choosing. If you know me, you’re immediate thought is most likely, “Well of course, here’s a single girl just waiting for the man of her dreams. Poor thing.” Friends, can I tell you it is so much more? In fact, that is the least of my waiting worries. Recently, the Lord reminded me that waiting isn’t something to be loathed, but something to recognize as entrusted and something to be stewarded well. He has entrusted me with waiting; waiting on Him to answer prayers, waiting on Him to change my circumstances, waiting on Him to show up in places that seem dark and hopeless. I seem to be waiting a lot.

So I decided I was going to write a post about waiting (Y’all are alllllll welcome). I immediately puffed up with pride, my back straightened, and I sat a little taller in my chair. “Well how fitting, I am quite the expert on waiting, of course I should write about it. I wait like a BOSS!”

But the Lord immediately struck me with a very large, proverbial lightning bolt of humility.

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Come Back, Weary Wanderer

I recently had the opportunity to write a post for Biblical Woman about our constant temptation to wander from the Lord, especially in the face of weariness. I am so thankful for this opportunity and how the Lord has used this post. I think it’s something we can all relate to on some level. I love how God had me write it a few weeks ago but the truth is even more relevant and needed for me today. If you haven’t read it, here’s an excerpt and a link to read the rest. Enjoy!

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been in multiple conversations with weary and wounded friends who have called it quits. Whether past or present, they’ve reached the point where their life’s circumstances have proven too broken and painful, their walk with Jesus too difficult and illusive to endure, their sin too enticing, and their faith rattled to its core. One looked me in the eye, in the midst of choices that I fear will wreak havoc on her sweet heart in years to come, and said, “I just don’t care anymore.” The other told of a season just a few short years ago, “I just didn’t care.” With great humility and compassion, what is that? Are we so exhausted, so toiled in our walk with Jesus and fight against sin that a breaking point has become inevitable? If this is true, are we really living our lives in a surrender to Christ that produces freedom and rest, a yoke that is light rather than burdensome? Or is evil so rampant and life so trying that, in our human capacity, we can no longer withstand? Can even trusting and depending on Jesus be too much, too difficult? Or are we in denial and really not depending on Jesus at all?

And yet, I find myself toeing the line of a similar defeat. Truly God’s grace has triumphed, and by no doing of my own. To be honest, I looked into the eyes of both these friends and I couldn’t help but think, this could be me… in a heartbeat. And while I entertain that possibility, knowing my heart has been just as much in turmoil, I wonder why it’s not. Trust me when I say it can’t be reasoned that I’m doing things right, not even close. But why would God keep me close, spare me from that breaking point thus far, yet let others run from His grace, from abundant life and freedom found only in Him? Why do I feel like Satan is winning? God help us!

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